Okay.....so I haven't been around for awhile.  It has been hectic and crazy in this world of mine.  My mother has been in and out of the hospital a lot.....and let me tell you....as much as I empathize and love her....I would be lying if I didn't tell you that I am visiting my own mortality.  It is scary to look at your parent and realize that you are looking into the mirror of your future.  She is a fighter though.  My mother doesn't allow anyone to get away with anything.  Her doctor has now informed us that staying at home is no longer an option for her because she need more intense care than any of us can offer her.  I feel sorry for the nursing staff in her future.  She knows her rights (she is disabled) and will fight with them tooth and nail until she gets everything that she needs.  Coming here to be with me in Florida is not longer an option because they don't think that she can withstand the trip.  Oh, mom....had you listened to me before.  She could have been here already and I would have been caring for her all of this time.  But, my mother's middle name is Independence.  She has always prided herself on being independent.  I think that most of us do......but is that God's Way?!

When I first moved here to Florida, I strove to be totally independent.  I came here not knowing a soul.  I came here on a calling from God to serve deaf kids as a teacher of the deaf.  It was a rewarding job.....but also a tough job...both physically and emotionally.  It played its tole on me.  Anyway, I wanted to make my mother proud...and I wanted to be independent.  When others offered help, most of the time, I turned them down because I was a woman of the nineties and could do it myself.  Soon, people stopped offering....and I was tired and worn out.  Looking back....I really think that the Good Lord was teaching me a lesson and allowing me to wear myself out.  What I know now.....that I didn't know back then....is that I was a product of PRIDE. Pride will kill you.  I now know that everything that we do should be towards the Glory of God....and at that time....I thought that I was doing just that.  But, I wasn't.  I wanted to prove to myself that I could do everything that needed to be done...MYSELF.  That is satan at work.

If you recognize yourself in this....take note.  You are not God.  I wasn't and am not God.....I am a product of God and that means that I need God.  In order to get anything done, I need to be vulnerable towards others.  That is hard when you have been hurt or let down in the past....but that is God's Will....to have relationships with Him and others whom He provides to us.  Remember the story about the man who is stuck on the roof when there is a flood and God sent him all of that help and he died because he didn't accept the help that was provided?  That was me.  Finally, I was sinking and crying out....Lord...where are you and why haven't You helped me?  He reminded me of all of the times that He gave me answers to my problems during our prayer time with one another....but I didn't trust Him because His Answers were ridiculous in my mind....so I didn't pursue any of the answers that He had provided to me.  He had told me to quit my job!  Can you imagine?!  I lived for my job!  He wanted me to quit?!  That is purely ridiculous!  How would I provide for myself?  How would I make a living?  Well, guess what? I persisted that He give me an answer.  I got injured on the job and had to quit.  I wonder where I would have been today if I hadn't ignored Him....had quit my job when He told me to?  I wouldn't have gotten hurt because I wouldn't have been there in that situation.  I might have had a great job  because I wouldn't have been hurt and would have been able to perform the tasks that I can no longer do.  But, I had that pride eating away at me saying that I could not do anything that He was suggesting....after all....I had to take care of myself as I had always done in the past.  Well, now I sit here as broken clay in His Hands.  He is still piecing me together.  I have no idea what direction I am being lead.  It has been five years since I taught and I miss it....but I am trying to be obedient to the Lord.  You have no idea how many times I have been tempted to go back....but I haven't...yet.  If He tells me that I can....I probably will.  In the meantime, it allows me more time to be with Him.  During these past five years, without my income, my husband and I have both laid all of our trust in the Lord to provide for ALL of our needs....and He has done just that.  When things seemed impossible...He has been there for us.  I no longer have a sense of pride.  I know that my very existence and the reason that I am here is not for myself...but for His Glory.  Things that seemed impossible in my past are now wide open within my visions because I now know that I can't do anything alone.  I know that it takes a team to get things done.....God's appointed team for my life....and that I am on His Team for other people's lives. 

When they said that it takes a village to raise a child.....they were right and we need to take it to heart.  We are God's children.   We need to be raised by the earth's village...God's village.  We need to listen to His voice when He leads us throughout His village.  We need to listen to Him when He tells us who to trust and who not to trust.  What I find interesting is that in the past, He has warned me to not trust people.....whom I had not even met.  He would give me a name and warning....and I always heeded those warnings...and they ALL proved to be true.  Yet, likewise, when He would give me a name of someone to trust....why didn't I ?  Why didn't I trust these people whom He brought into my life?  I think that the answer once again comes down to pride.  I didn't trust my own judgment about these people.   Pride once again got in the way so that I didn't listen to his infinite Wisdom. 

Who says that old dogs can't learn new tricks though?  I am learning everyday.  I only wish that my mother could have learned this lesson earlier in her life.  Have you learned this lesson?  Listen to the sound of God's Voice.  If you have never heard Him Speak and want to....ask Him for this privilege.  For me....it didn't happen over night.  But, if you do this....before you do this....make sure that you are ready and willing to live your life according to HIS needs....and not your own.  Ask Him to help you in this....you can't and lest you think that you can....you too are fighting with a spirit...and evil spirit....of pride.  I think that it is time that we expose this spirit to the world and to trust God instead.