This is a post that I just placed within the safe haven of the Pazzles Craftroom where I have come to know many, many people.  I just thought that it would be easier to explain once instead of twice.  I will say this though and you will understand after you read this current blog.....the files for next month are already done...I was trying to get ahead.  I haven't made a newsletter for them yet or posted them yet though.  So, I just wanted you to know that they will be posted...I just don't know when.

Hi Everybody,

I just want you to know that this has been a safe haven for me for so long. It helped me to get through a long term illness that I eventually overcame.....and more has been a place to escape from the world of death. Death is so hard to deal with. The people who we love the most in our lives....we see them lively and healthy in one moment and then the curse of death can take over and the brightest days become dark and dreary from the perspective of those watching someone dwindle away slowly. Death mocks us and as a Christian....I fight it with prayers for individuals who I don't even know. But, when it knocks at your own door....and attacks someone who you love dearly....sometimes it is just too much to bear. I am talking about my Mommy.

She has been such a trooper over the years of ups and downs. She has defied death....God miraculously healed her right on the operating room table before the eyes of surgeons who came out baffled at what they just saw. At that time, she had ruptured a main artery in her leg and had gone through tons of blood. We were told not to expect her to come out alive...but when they went to attempt to repair the artery and removed the clamp...right before their eyes....they watched the artery come back together without ever being touched. God has wanted her on this earth. She has helped everyone around her, whether at her last apartment, the nursing home, or the hospital...while she still could. But, now sadly, she sleeps. She wakes to eat and take meds....and then sleeps. When she is awake, there are the tears of pain...her bones are so frail that they are fracturing with each move. We made a decision today to have Hospice come in to comfort her.

Mom has also been blessed by the nurses who cared for her. They have been her guardian angels since her botched up knee surgery. If you know a nurse hug him/her. If you are a nurse....thank you...and I say this with tears in my eyes...because without you....none of us could get through these trying times. On the news, you hear about the nurses who have gone bad...but in the last few days, I have had nurses crying with me because they love my mother as much as I do if not more. I could never do for my own mother what they have been doing for several years now. God bless each and every one of you unrecognized angels in disguise.

So, the days are numbered now. Mom had gotten a staff infection many years ago from a botched up knee surgery. The surgeon placed a man's knee instead of woman's knee and left a staple in there that became rusty....and staff set in. He did such an awful job that the new doctor reported him to the medical association.....his own MD father reported him. He was young and cocky....he has since grown older and wiser. Mom forgave him years ago...and so did we....but the staff is back and is attacking her as I type. It was a rare form of staff and at the time (years ago) she was in the hospital for almost an entire year....three weeks shy of a year. She fought like a trooper and made it through. Everyone was amazed...but God had His Hand in there and wanted her around on earth and so she is still with us. So, she may even pull through this....but I almost hope that she doesn't. She is frail and in constant pain. My logical side says to let go while my emotional/selfish side says........stay forever.

So, I am not sure how I am going to react to all of this. I am still in FL and she is in PA. I don't know when I am leaving....I don't know if I will be designing less or more as a result....designing has been my outlet. I just don't know. I will not have disappeared off of the map...but I am already grieving and she is still with us. They say that just before you go, your life flashes before your eyes...well my life with my Mommy has been flashing in and out of my mind for the last week. Sometimes, I laugh and sometimes I cry. They say that when someone passes away, that the survivors talk to them like they are in front of them. Mom is still around and I have been talking to her all around the house. Cliff asked me who I was talking to the one day. It makes me feel better and I swear that she can hear me. But, anyway, those of you who have gone through this or are going through it like me, know exactly what I am talking about. I am not sorry about her going because I know where she is going and that I will be right next to her one day soon. But, I am sad that I cannot call and talk to her any longer. I can no longer take her out to eat or share my life with her. I can't send her holiday bouquets or candy any longer. I can't send her care packages like she used to send to me when I was in school. She took care of me and I took care of her....and now we must say goodbye for a season...but when that season is over...I am hoping that she will save me a seat when we attend the Great Marriage Feast with Jesus. But then again...she might pull through again...only God knows the plans that He has for her and whether or not she is finished doing His Work here on earth.

So, I may be here overtime or under-time.....I just don't know....but I am not MIA. I am in transition. I want to thank all of you for being my e-friends.